Thursday, September 29, 2011

The "Spirit" of Yoga

So, tomorrow is the last day of the 30 day yoga challenge, and I accumulated 14 classes of the 26 I needed. Not as impressive as I would have hoped, but if you average it out, that is a yoga practice about every other day...which is impressive. It got me to wondering...if I had merely dedicated myself to practicing every other day rather than trying to rack up doubles and such to hit 26, would my body and spirit have held up better? Perhaps if I had realized my limitations and accepted my body for what it is at the start of all this, I could have ended it in a better place.  So, I learned something!

I would like to give a shout out to Kimberly Loll, though! (Awesome yogi and author at the blog Sisters in Blogging)  She has two more days to complete her challenge, and I can't wait to see how far she gets! Her resolve and willingness to take her Child's Pose when she needed it were amazing! Good luck, Kim-- finish strong!

But back to the "spirit" part of all this...Last weekend I accepted that I wasn't going to force yoga anymore (finally, right?).  So when my amazing husband surprised me with an amazing weekend in Memphis, TN, I didn't force waking up early to drive around town looking for the one yoga studio he had found online; instead, I decided to sleep in with my husband and go enjoy breakfast at the most wonderful little cafe on 2nd street.

And my spirit thanked me.

I've often wondered about the spirit's connection to yoga.  So many people connect the idea of "spirit" to religion, and many people are hesitant to "buy into" yoga because of all the "spiritual mumbo-jumbo" that they perceive yoga to be based on.  But I think it's important to recognize that while some one's spirituality can inform his/her practice of yoga, it is distinctly separate from that person's spirit.\

Spirit has so many connotations in our society.  It can be based on our religion (ie. the "holy spirit"); it can also be based on our excitement or passion (ie. "spirit squad"); it can be based on a liveliness (ie. "she has so much spirit"); it can be about real and intended meaning (ie. "the spirit of the law").  I also believe and operate under the assumption that it can represent our essence-- My spirit is the essence of who I am as a person.  Healthy or ailing, happy or sad, empty or full...it is my responsibility to take care of my spirit.

In that sense, I truly think that the spirit is yoga.  Yoga is the time we take on our mat to dedicate to our breath (finding balance and calm), our body (finding health and flexibility), and our mind (to focus on positive thoughts and healing).  When we consider all of those things together, we are taking that time to repair and take care of our spirits-- of ourselves.

None of that has to do with religion or faith.  It can do with religion or faith, if you choose for it to do so.  If your spirit, your essence, is rooted in a strong faith, then you will bring that to your mat.  Then your meditation, your breathing, your practice will reflect that faith. Your spirit will feel stronger because of that faith. I am a woman of faith, and I like to believe that my spirit and my faith are intertwined, and my yoga practice makes both stronger.

But, if you do not have strong faith in a religion, or any faith at all, does that mean that  yoga is inaccessible? is crazy zealotry? mumbo jumbo? No. If you think that, I encourage you to scroll back a few paragraphs. No matter what religion, philosophy, or doctrine you choose to follow or believe in, no matter if your life is faith based or science based or both, yoga is about spending the time on you to improve, repair, and take care of you

Your spirit-- the essence of who you are-- deserves that care.

~Namaste~

 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Happy International Peace Day!

In honor of International Peace Day, I'm just going to encourage you to BREATH.

Our breath is the easiest way to find our peace.  Don't think about anything but your breath. Focus on your inhaling and your exhaling only.  Take care to notice how you feel before you start focusing on your breath, and then notice how you feel after...say...5 minutes?

Remember what it feels like to be PEACEFUL.

~Namaste~


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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Yoga is a Journey

About a week and a half ago, the pain started up again.  I was at practice #11 of my 26 in 30 days...2 practice away from my half way mark, when I noticed that Chaturanga was sending excruciating pain through my arm and wrist. By the time I went to bed, I thought I had broken it.  I tried practice #12...on my forearms and knees...and it became clear that I just couldn't do it.

It took the very wise and firm words of a good friend, a good husband, a good teacher, and a good mom to finally convince me to not go to practice the next day.  I had become so fixated on the challenge, so fixated on the number of days in a row that I needed to be on my mat, and the number of days I needed to do doubles in order to achieve my 26 classes in 30 days, that I had become burned out.

My body was burned out. My pain was already making my practice difficult before the challenge started, but somehow I thought that doing yoga every day (and sometimes twice a day!) would make me feel better...that somehow I'd become some super buff yogi chick who could do poses I had only dreamed of.  It did make me feel better for a while, but with little to no recovery time, my body (and my mother!) started telling me loudly that I needed a break.  But I wasn't listening to my body...

My mind was burned out.  I was thinking too much.  I know that yoga is not about competition or forcing anything. Yoga is about acceptance. It is supposed to make you feel good. It is about peace.  It is not about the asanas-- it is about the calm that you feel after you practice. I know that. But my mind was too tired to think about it.  I wanted to finish this challenge. I wanted to prove-- mostly to myself-- that I could do it.  My pain and injuries have already taken away so much. I can't run or exercise like most people.  I can't even rock climb anymore...I felt like giving up on the challenge would be giving up on myself.  My mind (and my good friend, Amy) was trying to remind me what yoga is. But I wasn't listening to my mind...

My spirit was burned out.  I didn't want to be at the studio anymore.  I was resenting the 35 minute commute to and from another town.  I stopped looking forward to yoga, but for some reason I kept forcing myself to go...because of the challenge.  My husband wanted me to stop going-- stop tainting the one thing I had come to enjoy. He wanted me to take a break and rest so that I could look forward to the time I gave myself on my mat.  I wanted to enjoy other aspects of life-- focus on my classroom, my students, my home, my friends-- without feeling guilty for missing yoga.  My spirit needed some alone time with me. But I wasn't listening to my spirit...

I finally gave in to my body, my mind, and my spirit and emailed my instructor.  And she told me to LISTEN TO MY BODY AND MY SPIRIT!!  So, I took a week off.  And it was glorious.  I stayed late at school and caught up in my classroom.  I went to a student football game.  I saw family and wasn't exhausted for a night out.  While I am still trying to accumulate as many practices as I can by September 30th, I will not be able to achieve 26 unless I do doubles every other day, which cannot happen. So, I need to be ok with that. Yoga is acceptance of what is, at this moment.

In coming to terms with the fact that I would not complete the challenge, I started to wonder what exactly I was supposed to learn from the challenge.  Is it a physical challenge? Very few athletic endeavors encourage you to practice constantly with little recovery time.  While is is physically challenging, I don't think that's it.  Is it a challenge to see how dedicated I am? I'm not sure that is it either.  I was dedicated to the point of hurting myself. It took multiple people to convince me to "give up," and yet I didn't feel successful.  What kind of challenge is it, then?

It took "giving up"...or more to the point-- LETTING GO...to realize the challenge.  The challenge was to accept myself as I am, limitations and all...to listen to my body and learn, more than ever, what yoga really is.  Yoga is about being in the world and not of it. It is about living in the moment and accepting the body God gives you at any given time.  Some days God might give me a stronger or more capable body than other days.  But, I need to do the best with what I have that day, and most importantly, I need to accept that what I am doing at any moment is good enough. 

That is my challenge...and I don't think I've completed it yet.  My yoga is a journey.



"The greatest success is doing what you love and believing that’s enough."

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Meditating: On 9-11

Every year, on 9-11, I have strong emotions.  Every year, I try to work through them with my students in some sort of meaningful way.  This year has been the hardest because, while it should be more meaningful than ever on this 10th anniversary, my students are younger than ever.  They don't remember it.  They were in diapers.

Perhaps that's why I've been so sad and so tired these past few days? I'm internalizing the sadness and despair that I think everyone else should be feeling? I'm trying to figure out a way to help my students understand how this tragedy can still affect/connect to them even if they don't have personal memories of it?  (Which I tried my best to do-- check out my classroom blog to see what I mean)

Regardless-- I haven't been myself.  I've been sad and "meh" for no apparent reason.

Mary (aka super yoga instructor) at my studio must have read this in my and everyone else's faces (or maybe she was responding to her own feelings), but for the past three days of practice (including a double yesterday), she's been focusing on hip openers.  "We carry our stress in our shoulders, but we carry our emotion in our hips."  Wonderful-- me and hip openers are arch enemies.  My hips are tighter than tight, and with 10 practices in the past 7 days, multiply that exponentially.  At first I was just frustrated, which didn't help me fall into my poses.  Then I got angry-- why couldn't we just do regular yoga?

But, she was right. (She's always right when it comes to yoga)  In between my two practices yesterday, my emotions came pouring out.  A song came on in the lobby that had played at our wedding reception, and I started thinking back to that day and how happy I was to cut my cake and kiss my husband, and I just started crying.  Ridiculous, right? Those dang hip openers.

Happened again this morning.  This 30 day challenge has been working my motivation, determination, and physical well-being hard, and I was struggling through some basic poses this morning.  Mary came by, adjusted my arms, and said, "Smile-- it's only yoga."  Yup...there were those tears again.  Again, I blame it on the hip openers.

My point is this.  If we're dealing with emotions we can't explain, or if we're faced with a particularly emotional day and we're anxious about the emotions we might feel, why not aim your yoga practice in the direction of some hip openers?  Even when following the sequence of Baptiste, Mary was able to take each flow in the direction of the hips.  Challenge yourself to incorporate hip openers into your practice and release some of the emotions that might be bottled up.

We also did some breath meditating today (hence the post title).  Ojai breathing (deep breaths in through the nose, out through the nose) paired with meditation words or mantras.  After discussing some ancient traditions, yogic philosophy, and old testament scripture, all in the light of today's significance...I focused my meditation on the words "repair" and "love."  We were focusing on the idea of nonviolence, and I thought those two words spoke volumes to the emotions I was feeling on 9-11.

I inhaled the word "repair"-- inhaling my responsibility to repair all I could by educating others and not adding to the pain of the world around me.  I exhaled the word "love"-- acknowledging my responsibility to speak, act, and think with loving kindness.  For ten minutes, I sat quietly, breathed deeply, and set my intentions for the days ahead of me.

Whatever emotions you feel on 9-11, or any other day in your life that invokes similar emotional responses, how do you handle it? Do you acknowledge and experience those emotions? Or, do you try to hide them away, bury them inside, and move on?  Perhaps through your practice, a few hip openers...or through finding a quiet place to sit and breath...you can appreciate those emotions as part of the you that you are right now.

~Namaste~

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Bringing Our Yoga Off the Mat: @Work

Yesterday after school, a colleague friend of mine caught me in the hall and asked, "Why does your face always look so stressed? Aren't you supposed to be all 'Namaste'?"

Yikes.  I think that is the definition of getting smacked in the face with the truth.

It got me to thinking-- how do I bring the peace I create and feel, the relaxation I experience, and that feeling of "letting it all go" and being in the moment off of my mat and into my life?  How do I bring it to school with me, where (like yesterday) I am constantly frustrated with the inefficiency and inadequacy of others, where I am constantly weighted down with even more directives and tasks despite not being given the time or materials to complete those already on my plate, where the process of "teaching" is constantly interrupted by ego and bureaucracy, and where 80 adolescents greet me every morning with tears, smiles, hatred, pain, coughs, defeat.... 

I mean, when it gets to be too much, and I feel my face getting hot, I would love to drop down into child's pose and find my breath-- bring myself back to the moment.  I think we all would! But, I'm not quite sure how productive that would be in the middle of a lesson on pronoun-antecedent agreement.  The fact is, right or wrong, we can't just fall to the ground and find child's pose whenever we please. It's just not physically, socially, or occupationally acceptable!






No child's pose-- so what then? How do we keep our "Namaste"...our "OM"...throughout the day at work? I think it goes without saying that we can always find our breath, even if we can't hold a pose.  Our breath is he one thing that is always with us.  Take a deep breath-- in through your nose, and out through your nose.  It is amazing the relaxing power that one act holds.

We can also find successes we have had on our mat or in our practice and find the lesson in them that we can transfer to work.  My frustration at school is that no matter how hard I try, no matter how firmly I know what the right thing to do is, I am constantly interrupted or blocked from doing what needs to be done.  Something or someone always gets in my way, and I always feel like I crash.

I tried to compare this to something in yoga, and one word immediately popped up:  CROW.  I have struggled with my crow from day 1.  I know exactly what to do, but I can never seem to do it. If I am able to get both big toes off the ground, I am wobbly and unstable and always come crashing to the ground. I crash forward, my face into the ground, or I fall fast backwards, crashing my toes into my mat. It's never a subtle failure-- I always crash.

Until last week.  Something changed-- a switch flipped.  All of a sudden, I am able to get both feet off the ground, lower my arms closer to a 90 degree angle, straighten my back a little more, and hold the pose with stability and confidence until I choose to put my feet down...and that feeling is amazing.





That feeling is what I will take with me to work on Monday-- knowing that even though I might crash over and over, I know what the right thing to do is, and with perseverance, eventually I will be successful.  Crow has taught me, ever so slightly, to be more patient. 

~Namaste~

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Every year I start off the school year by letting my students ask me questions that I promise to answer truthfully.  This year I got two that really made me think.  1)  Do you like your life? and 2) Are you afraid to die?

Wow. From 7th graders.

I think the answers to these questions are especially important as I enter the "next phase"-- yesterday was my 30th birthday, and according to popular culture, American society..and all of my friends...I should feel "old." This is the turning point-- hitting 30. Like hitting the wall.  Enter depression, questioning self worth, and gray hair.

Well...I do have gray hair...and a few extra pounds in the weirdest places...and the aches and pains...but I am not depressed to be 30.  Last night at my birthday dinner, the husband and I decided to "look back" over the last decade-- see where I had started and how far I had come. 

I am amazed by me.

I am not the same person I was.  I have grown and become so much smarter in so many ways.  I am so much stronger than I ever imagined I could be 10 years ago.  I have gained so much.  My life might not have progressed the way I imagined it would when I was 19, but I wouldn't give up a single part of the life I have now.

So-- do I like my life? ABSOLUTELY! I love my life.  Good with the bad, I LOVE my life.  I am blessed with the most amazing husband, a wonderful family, a cute dog, a welcoming home, dear dear friends, and a loving God.  I have no regrets, because every choice I made has led me to where I am now.  One student asked, "But Miss, wouldn't you get rid of your bones that hurt if you could?"  I thought about that for a second, and then I told her "No."  If I got rid of my "bones that hurt," would I also get rid of my awesome family? Would I trade it in for a terrible husband?  I'm not willing to give up any of my "goods"...so I'll keep my "bads."  Plus, everyone has something sucky in her life-- mine happens to be "bones that hurt."

Am I afraid to die? No...not so much as I am afraid to not live before I die.  I want to live every moment I have-- appreciate every person in my life-- love every friend and family and tell them I love them.  I want to acknowledge my blessings, and look at everything with a positive eye.  I want to accept everything in my life as what is.  I want to smile more than I frown.

So, Happy Birthday to me.  30 ain't gonna be so bad as they make it out to be!

~Carpe Diem~

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sunday-- Shavasana

Shavasana means something different to everyone.  To most of us, it is that much awaited pose at the end of a practice where we get to melt into our mat, let go of everything, and just lie.  The "corpse" pose-- relax.  But beyond the asana, it means "rest." Shavasana is rest.

Sunday is Shavasana.

Christian faiths take Sunday as the Sabbath, the day of rest.  But regardless of your religion, faith, philosophy, etc.  one cannot deny the need for a day away from the pressures of life. A day to rest.  With life the way it is, so many of us plan the weekends full of all that we didn't have time to do during the week.  Before we know it, the weekend is over, and the next weekend's list is already started with things we didn't get to do over the weekend.  But when do we take time for ourselves?  We force ourselves to do things that we think we must do, regardless of what our bodies, minds, and spirits are telling us.  Buddha said, "Maintain yourself.  Be healthy.  Do not force yourself to do things you cannot do."

No doubt we all have countless obligations and responsibilities in our lives.  Remaining true and reliable in those tasks is imperative towards becoming a trustworthy individual.  Work ethic is immensely important to me-- I was raised to believe it would define me, so in no way do I think we should shirk our responsibilities in favor of a "free day."  However, we must rest.  In her book "Mindful Yoga, Mindful Life," Charlotte Bell dedicates an entire chapter to what she calls "Balance."  We need to find balance between taking care of our responsibilities and taking care of ourselves. She comments that in our society, taking on more and more is seen as a sign of virtue while taking time to oneself is seen as weakness. Why is that? How are we to take care of others if we do not take care of ourselves?

Balance in our life is directly linked to balance on our mat.  The easiest indicator of where you are at: your breath!  Are you a shallow breather? Do you get angry and frustrated easily? Perhaps you need to back off some of your precious "to do list" items...and rest.  Pay close attention to your breath the next time you practice.  Are you able to "find it?"  Or are you struggling through every asana?  Finding your breath is the first step to finding your balance.  Once you find it on your mat, you'll be on your way to finding it in your life.

So, Sunday might not be your Shavasana.  Perhaps it is Tuesday nights or Thursday afternoons.  But, you need to set aside time for you.  And just rest.


A nap on my mother's couch and watching a movie with my husband was the rest I needed to find my balance and ready myself for the week ahead!  How will you practice Shavasana in your life? Whatever you do, "maintain yourself, and be healthy."  Use this extra day of rest tomorrow to ready yourself for a great week!

Namaste!


Thursday, September 1, 2011

What is a Transcendental Grasshopper?

The Transcendental Grasshopper is a teacher (me!) who decided to put herself into the shoes of a struggling yoga student.  What can I learn?

I've "done" yoga for a long time, but about a year ago I began "practicing" yoga, and I really learned what that meant.  Now, I'm trying to live a yogic life, and I'm trying to use what I learn in my books and on my mat to "rise above" everything in my life that's not positive.

Monday is my 30th birthday, so at such a young age, what do I have to transcend? Well, like most of you...the negativity of others.  The constant need to focus on what is wrong with my life and how much better my life could be "if only."  The anger and frustration that others try to project on those around them.  The inefficiency and inequality of the world around me.

::inhale::

Even at this young age, I'm trying to learn to transcend my physical limitations.  I've been suffering from chronic and debilitating pain for years.  Countless doctors, specialists, tests, scans, and blood work later...there's no diagnosis.  Yoga is my way of combating the pain, but now the pain keeps me from progressing in yoga. So, there is fear.  What if I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

I am trying to learn how to transcend my pain.

::exhale::

But I am still a young grasshopper-- I am still trying to learn.  I am hoping others will want to learn with me-- will want to read my thoughts and converse or debate-- that we can form a community and learn from each other.  That I have a forum to explore all the emotional, spiritual, physical...and "other"...aspects of yoga.

There is further significance to the "Grasshopper."  For those of you who don't know...it's a pretty intense yoga pose. It looks like this:
Thanks to Google Images, and check out yoga blogger Tula Flow for more awesome yoga writing.

Anyway, I want to get there...but right now it's not even in the realm of physical possibilities. So, along my journey of self-discovery and transcending all that is not-OM, I will also be documenting my journey towards finding my inner, and outer, grasshopper.  This is where I'm at now (no laughing...remember, yoga comes free of judgement!):
 (Yes, that's just a crow. That's as far as I can get...sometimes!)


So, I start this blog today, September 1, to finally face my fear of judgement (on my mat and of my thoughts).  Today is also significant because I am starting my 30 day challenge (26 practices in 30 days) to culminate in a YogaAid event on October 2nd.  So, wish me luck! (on my blog, on my mat, and in my "transcendental" journey!)

Namaste!